Post- Netflixcalyptic Brain-dead Wasteland

Yes, Netflix, I'm still watching.  And you know why?   Because my mind has melted -turned to mush and leaked out my wears.  7 straight hours of ....I don't even know what anymore has reduced me to a mindless zombie only capable of staring at the screen waiting for the next eposide to load.  Is this what we have become?  I don't even care what the show is anymore.  I found myself watching something with children, and dumb adults....and I think a dog....the other day - simply because I had run out of things to watch.  The real zombie apocalypse will happen when skynet takes over and the almighty Netflix goes down.  Millions of brainless users will, once unteathered from their precious stories, be forced to rise, glossy eyed and drooling, from their screens in search of something new to feed on, and the Apocalpyse will begin.

Seriously, why?

The movies of my childhood are precious things.  Labyrinth, Ghostbusters, The Crow, Annie, The Goonies, Gremlins, IT, Dirty Dancing, Drop Dead Fred.  All of them have had an impact on my vocabulary, my outlook on life (Clowns are evil, don't feed any pets after midnight, etc).

And yet.....all of these movies are either in the process of being remade or brought back in sequels that do nothing to improve the original (I'm looking at you, Bill& Ted and Ghostbusters).

Why?  

Why do we feel the need to take the precious things of the past and ruin them?  Sure, we drag the McRib out of the bowels every year and dust it off like it's something shin, but I can't believe that there aren't any creative scripts floating around out there....ones that are blatant rip offs of the movies we loved from the past, but with subtle changes to make it less obvious that the writer just watched all 6 Star Wars and was inspired to craft a stirring saga about a wisecracking space smuggler who is unknowingly recruited to fight against an evil intergalactic empire.  

Write new things, people.

Stop destroying my childhood.  

Coffee Zombie

Coffee is amazing.  Blonde roast, dark roast, espresso....any time, any place, any format.

All those movies that start with a zombie apocalypse?  I'll bet you anything it starts not with a bio-engineered virus, or evil monkeypox, or because hell was full, but with a worldwide coffee shortage.  Suddenly, people won't be able to get their daily fix at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, or whatever local java joint they prefer.  Supermarket shelves will be emptier than the ammo section of Wal Mart after the last election.  No coarse ground, no french press, no chocolate covered espresso beans, no frappucinos.  That will be the start of the apocalypse.  Hoards of caffeine-deprived zombies will roam the streets, substituting the sweet jolt one gets from that first sip of joe with the satisfying crunch of braaaiiiiiinnnnsssss.....

source

The Shark Insanity has to Stop!

Ok, movie people, this has to stop.  At first it was cute.  I enjoyed watching Hulk Hogan's daughter try to "act" while the not-as-attractive O'Connell brother hammed it up as the salty sea captain in Two-Headed Shark Attack.  Malibu Shark Attack?  I was right there with you.  Ditto Deep Blue Sea, Shark Attacks I, II, and III, Shark Night, Mega Shark v. Crocosaurus, and Megaladon.  Sure, you suspended my belief, and there are really only so many times I'll buy the "we genetically modified the sharks to - fill in beneficial for mankind solution here- before I start wondering why people don't learn from their mistakes.

And then came Sharknado.  Like the deep fried oreo, it took a guilty pleasure and intensified it.  A former 90210 resident AND Tara Reid running from sharks that were transported trhough the sky via tornado??? It was too good to be true.  And we Blessed the Syfy gods for not ending their genuis with Sharktopus.
But then....Sharknado took off.  It started trending on twitter (I blame the genius of Wil Wheaton's live tweets for that).
And now, Ghost Shark....Sharkavalanche.....and any number of other ridiculous shark movies (ones even more incomprehensible than the Brooke Hogan-helmed "Two-Headed Shark").

....of course, none of this will stop me for rooting for Sharknado 2

The end of summer....

....means Shark Week and back to school have both arrived.   I blame "Sharknado" for the Discovery Channel's attempts to make documentaries on never-seen sharks of prehistory into riveting Must-See-Tv with names like "Shammmmmrkzilla:it came from below"....or other ridNiculously misleading titles. What you tuned in for thinking it was going to be as awesome as a SyFy movie was instead 40 minutes of old guys sitting around talking about drinking, rivalry, and the like.

I'm waiting for the movie about the genetically mutated sharks with an unquenchable thirst for human blood that come up through the drains in pools and attack unsuspecting bathers: "Pool Shark-danger below ". 

I don't think it's too far off. And I'm excited. 

For the Love of Ru...and Cupcakes

Many reality TV seasons ago, there came upon our TVs a magical and wondrous program.  One that taught us to be feeeeeierce, and to love ourselves, hunty, and to throw shade.  That slice o'deliciousness? RuPaul's Drag Race, where sweet, innocent drag queens compete to become America's Next Drag Superstar.  And, of course, they're not there to make friends.  One part "Project Runway", one part "America's Next Top Model", all parts amazing - it's been my guilty pleasure.  

Now, we gather together for bi-weekly Ru-athons, catching up on the episodes, eating cupcakes, and reveling in the ridiculous comments that come out of the mouths of the contestants and judges.  

For example, on a recent episode, a man old enough to be my great grandpa uttered a line that would fit just as well in a porno as it did on the Ru-runway:  "From the crotch down, she's a star". Why are you staring at her crotch, old man?  And is her facepaint really that hideous???

So, thank you, RuPaul, for teaching me that I can be a thick and juicy, yet fishy, queen, and that it's important to tell the T.

Now, excuse me...I'm going to enjoy this cupcake as I watch the next episode, and then invite some friends over for a kiki.  

Coffee Art

Coffee is amazing.  It wakes us up in the morning, keeps us going throughout the day, makes us less grumpy and far less likely to turn into "Angry Snapping Turtles of Doom" (TM).
It is also a great palette for frustrated artists to unleash their inner Picasso...or at least gives those waiting for that precious caffeine jolt to kick in something to doodle on.
Presenting....Coffee Art.

the evil coffee witch

decaffinated zombie

I can see clearly now, the coffee has come.

Monsieur Moccaino

Double Shot Queen

If your coffee cup had a personality, what  would it look like today?